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What inspired you to write a book on parenting, especially considering your background as a lawyer?
My book is titled, ‘Raise Amazing Kids: A Transactional Analysis Approach to Effective Parenting’. According to transactional analysis, an individual’s early experiences impact their adult behaviour, relational patterns, and emotional stability.
In 1982, I read a book on transactional analysis that truly captivated my attention. From this book, I realised that the principles of transactional analysis could be applied to raise children who are responsible, well-behaved, and emotionally stable.
When I became a father nine years later, I decided to implement those principles in raising my children, which led to tremendous positive results.
I found these principles to be very effective in achieving my parenting goals. The overwhelming success I experienced as a parent, along with the great joy and peace of mind I found, inspired me to write the book to share the key concepts of transactional analysis with other parents and help them achieve similar results with their children. I aimed to contribute to successful parenting not only in Nigeria but globally.
How do you balance your demanding legal career with responsible parenting?
The legal profession can be very demanding. As a lawyer, you are constantly pursuing and analysing documents, writing, and frequently working on your laptop. Lawyers often face long office hours to meet their demands.
However, I believe parents should not let their schedules interfere with their responsibilities to their children. I try to balance things out.
My children are all grown up now, but when they were toddlers, I made it a rule to spend a lot of time with them, particularly in the evenings when they were home from school. I made a concerted effort to avoid being absent from home during the evenings.
How has being a lawyer influenced your approach to parenting?
It has had minimal influence. I believe parenting is fundamentally the same for everyone, regardless of their profession or vocation. What influenced my approach to parenting are the numerous books and articles on the subject that I have read over the years.
What are the challenges parents face in today’s rapidly changing world, and how can they navigate them?
There are several challenges, but I will highlight the three most significant. One major challenge is technology and screen time. Children are increasingly exposed to screens, smartphones, tablets, video games, and social media, which can lead to screen addiction affecting their development, social skills, and mental health.
Parents should set clear boundaries on screen time for their children. Many parents provide young children with phones and other electronic gadgets with unrestricted access, but I do not believe any child under university age should own a phone.
Another significant challenge is financial pressure. With the economic downturn and rising inflation, the cost of raising children is becoming prohibitive for many parents. Finally, maintaining a work-life balance is another serious challenge. Many parents struggle to balance work demands with family responsibilities, leading to children being left alone with domestic help, which can result in the formation of bad habits and loss of parental control.
Parents should prioritise family time and ensure they are fully present and spend time with their children.
With the rise of mental health awareness, how can parents create an emotionally healthy environment for their children?
Parents should model appropriate emotional expression for their children. Children learn to manage their emotions by observing their parents. For instance, parents should demonstrate healthy ways to handle emotions such as anger, frustration, and sadness.
How do you think social media has impacted the way children are raised today?
The rise of social media has introduced significant challenges in parenting. Modern children have access to vast amounts of information, both good and bad. To shield children from negative influences, parents must monitor and control the websites their children visit. Parenting in today’s world requires close scrutiny and constant attention.
What’s your perspective on modern discipline methods compared to more traditional ones, and what do you recommend?
Traditional discipline methods emphasise authority and obedience, physical punishment, shame and guilt, and consequences rather than understanding. Spanking, for instance, was a common form of discipline during our upbringing, and there is ongoing debate about its effectiveness. Modern discipline is moving away from such methods towards less harmful means of encouraging compliance.
I prefer modern discipline methods that focus on positive reinforcement, empathy, understanding the root cause of a child’s behaviour, and teaching appropriate alternatives.
How do you believe parents should address sensitive topics like gender identity and sexual orientation with their children?
I am more traditional and conservative in my approach to gender and sexual orientation, fully subscribing to the biblical perspective on these issues. I believe Christian parents should teach their children what the Bible says. People of other religions should adhere to their own beliefs, as no one has the right to impose their opinions on others.
With bullying evolving into cyberbullying, what advice would you give to parents on how to protect their children in the digital age?
Parents should regularly monitor their children’s online activities, and be aware of their online friends, and any negative experiences they may have encountered. Children should be encouraged to share any online experience that makes them uncomfortable.
Parents should avoid being judgmental and reassure their children that they won’t get in trouble for sharing their experiences. It is also important to set limits on screen time and monitor the websites and mobile apps their children use.
I do not recommend social media for children under the age of 18. For older children, parents should establish rules regarding social media use, such as not accepting friend requests from strangers.
What are the key values every parent should instil in their children to prepare them for today’s world?
Parents should instil virtues such as self-discipline, integrity, honesty, good behaviour, hard work, kindness, empathy, resilience, perseverance, respect for elders, and a commitment to lifelong learning.
While teaching these virtues may seem challenging, my book provides detailed guidance on how parents can easily instil these values in their children using the principles of transactional analysis.
What roles should schools play in partnership with parents in raising children, and how can parents ensure this happens?
Parents and schools should share responsibilities for educational and character development. Maintaining open communication between schools and parents is essential for effectively monitoring a child’s progress. There should be continuous collaboration between parents, teachers, and school administrators.
