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Sochi Nwaneri’s recent romantic interest left her feeling conflicted. She loves him, but doesn’t know where she stands with him, as he won’t leave her alone.
She said, “He would call me every other day, ask after me and show concerns but whenever I asked what his intentions towards me were, he would be vague. I was really confused because this is someone I really do love. I had made my feelings known to him, and let my guard down, yet, he was so hot and cold with me.
“When I couldn’t bear it anymore, I had to make the tough decision to cut him off. I had hung around for eight months because he had a messy relationship he said he needed to clear up in six months.
“Even after having him for two more months and I was still uncertain about us, I reached out to him and told him that I was done. I was deeply hurt. But then, I decided that was the best thing for me to do and move on instead of waiting for what I don’t know.
“If he loved me like how he kind of showed he did, I wouldn’t have to be that confused and he wouldn’t be that reluctant to define what we were doing. He would choose me.”
What Nwaneri has left is what is known as a romantic labyrinth known as situationship. A situationship is the term for a romantic or intimate connection that looks like a relationship but lacks commitment from one of the two parties involved.
Sometimes, in a bid to retain someone a person has a romantic connection with, situationships are created when the other partner keeps doing things like showing interest and being available but at the same time, refuse to commit to the person.
An American clinical psychologist, Holly Schiff, says situationships are tricky because you get all the benefits of being in a relationship without the title.
“In a situationship, you’re not as beholden to a person the same way you are in a formal relationship. There are no expectations. No set boundaries. No consistency,” Schiff told Today.com
A 2022 report from Tinder, a dating app, found that situationships were a top trend amongst users and reported that 49 per cent of members wanted it that way.
Latimes.com noted that Tinder found that young singles “prefer situationships as a way to develop a relationship with less pressure.”
However, for people looking for committed relationships, situationships are a risky bargain because a person might end up not reciprocating the love.
To avoid being stuck in a situationship, here is some advice from marriage and relationship counsellors.
Define the relationship
Not speaking up for what you want out of a relationship with a man could lead to a situationship, Okanlawon Folarin, aka Okantalks said.
Folarin, a relationship and marriage counsellor, said it is in the woman’s best interest to know her priority in the relationship and express it clearly to the man early enough to avoid being taken for granted.
“You might date a man for a number of years but as long as you are clear on your priority, you will not be played,” he said.
Emotional connection
He also highlighted that women should be wary of men who avoid emotional connections with them.
He said, “Men, when they connect with a woman emotionally, do not disconnect so easily, except if the man has never connected with them that is it, so learn to say what you want out of the relationship.”
Experts explain that emotional connection with a partner is deeper than surface-level discussions. It is a feeling of genuine connection, trust and being valued.
“An emotional connection is about sharing feelings, being vulnerable, seeking to understand each other, and meeting one another with trust,” calm.com, a mental health site explained.
Do not keep your relationship a secret
Making your family aware of who you are with helps to keep off men who do not have any good intentions towards you, Folarin noted, adding that situationships thrive in ambiguity.
“When any man is dating you and knows that your family is aware, he would either take you seriously or opt out of the relationship,” he said.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries is another way to establish that there are no grey areas in a relationship, another marriage counsellor, Ngozi Adindu, said.
To be taken seriously by a man, a woman must learn to set boundaries on what she does with a man.
“A man who does not want to commit to a person will still stick around if the woman makes herself available to him whenever he wants her. If he has not opened his mouth and proposed to you and told you, let us be in this relationship and see what the future holds for us, then don’t play wife,” Adindu added.
