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I was ready to barf last December when Frito-Lay teamed up with a distillery to inflict Doritos nacho cheese vodka on an unsuspecting world. For one thing, if they’re insisting on this unholy idea, how did they not pair Doritos with tequila instead? But really, when I eat chips, I like a beverage to be refreshing as I steamroll my way through the bag. I’m looking for the two to complement each other, I don’t need them to be combined into one entity. Same theory goes for most savory foods, as a general rule. Which is why I’ve never had a yen for sipping some hot dog-flavored sparkling water. So guess what new flavor Miracle Seltzer is making for 7-Eleven! But whereas Doritos vodka was a seeming hit and sold out (at $65 a bottle!), by contrast people are greeting hot dog seltzer with such dumbfounded skepticism that the interwebs are convinced it must be an April Fool’s joke:
The internet is a bit confused about a new product announced by 7-Eleven, as the chain’s Big Bite brand is teaming up with Miracle Seltzer to release a Hot Dog Sparkling Water, based on the popular food item.
7-Eleven announced the new product on Wednesday, March 27, in a press release, with Marissa Jarratt, 7-Eleven, Inc. Executive Vice President, Chief Marketing & Sustainability Officer, saying, “We’re excited for customers to embark on this flavor adventure and experience their favorite snack in a whole new form.”
The new flavor is set to join a line of other innovative variations from Miracle Seltzer including Lemon Lime, Green Apple and Sweet Orange. More details will be shared on April 1.
Food influencer Sodaseekers on Instagram also shared the news, and people had some strong reactions to the new seltzer.
“Jail,” read one response, as someone else said, “This better be an April Fools joke.”
A third replied, “They’re literally selling hot dog water now 🤦🏽♂️,” while someone joked that the seltzer would take “hot dog burps to the next level.”
One particularly energetic reply read: “YES!!!!! ALL THESE DECADES I’VE ASKED WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE HOT DOG WATER?! IT’S FINALLY COMING TRUE MY DREAMS 🥰🥰🥰🥰.”
While many more questioned whether or not it was an April Fool’s Joke, Sodaseekers noted that Miracle Seltzer previously released a pickle-flavored sparkling water and said that, even if it is a joke, they likely made at least a small amount for promotional release.
If this is the case, the comments also included a bit of good advice from one fan who explained, “Remember everyone, April Fools is just a test day for brands,” before encouraging them, “If you really want it, interact with it 😂.”
Whether or not you’re excited about the Hot Dog Sparkling Water or cringing at the news, you’ll have to wait until April 1 to get all the details about the unique product.
I was firmly in the camp of it being a joke, up until the info about Miracle Seltzer’s pickle flavor. Now I don’t know what to believe! The only thing I can be certain of, is my relief that my father is not around to catch even a whiff of this heresy. My dearly departed father was a touch insane about his drinking seltzer. Only one of three brands would pass muster (Canada Dry, Schweppes, Vintage) and only in the seltzer variety, NOT club soda! Multiple flats of two liter bottles were routinely acquired from Costco so that a supply fit to last an apocalypse was always on hand. Having plenty of reserves also fed into the next requirement that a bottle be refrigerated for a minimum of eight hours in order to be fit for consumption. Once during my childhood I asked about this eight hour rule and his entire response was, “It’s science.” I countered with the science of ice cubes, talks devolved from there. He was so concerned about having his cold seltzer at the ready, that he actually used a mini fridge as his bedside table.
The final element of his seltzer mania (at least of what I can recall, memories have been repressed along the way) was perhaps the most critical piece of the effervescent puzzle: NO ADDED FLAVORING!! Woe unto the waiter who served him a glass with lemon or lime wedges. So essence-of-hot dog? I don’t think so. Tensions will be high until we get a confirmation from 7-Eleven on Monday. Either they announce that yes, it was a festive hoax, or they introduce us to a new companion product: Coca Cola-infused hot dog buns.
