1 month ago
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How did you meet your husband?
We attended the same church but we didn’t meet in the church. We met at the University of Ibadan. It was academics that drew us together. We were always discussing academics. He was running his Master’s degree then, while I was seeking admission. As a typical Nigerian, he was the one who made the first move. We have been married for 32 years.
What challenges have you faced in your marriage and how did you manage them?
My husband is from Ilesha and I am from Ibadan. If you ask around, they will tell you that there is no love lost between Ilesa and the Ibadan people. My father was against the relationship at the beginning but my mother supported us. We have challenges that any normal relationship experiences. But one thing that drew us closer was our religious conviction. And that has been our checks and balances since. We believe that none of us should do what we don’t want the other to do to us. We’ve been truthful. No games. No lies.
When it comes to money, whatever he has at any point in time, I am aware of it. I didn’t work for a very long time until 2005. But whatever he has, he will tell me and also discuss with me what he wants to use it for. But that doesn’t mean that I should start making unnecessary demands. My husband is very accommodating. He doesn’t stay long on issues. Our academic field of interest; peace and conflict, actually started in our home. We don’t quarrel but we always have discussions around situations. If at all we have any quarrel, it is usually caused by outsiders.
Is there a difference between marriages in the 90s and now?
Well, 1992 isn’t that far. For me, it is all about defining the kind of relationship you want. Some don’t know why they are going into relationships. Some go into it because they think it’s the best thing to do while some go into it because of what they think they can get. I believe we should go into a relationship with the mindset of adding value. The world has changed. It is no longer a situation where the male will be entirely responsible for the financial aspect of the relationship. Finances now are mutual and the duty of both couples. And I think this is a major problem that some relationships face — they want to put the burden on the man. Financial burdens should not only be on the man even though he is the head of the family. The woman too should be ready to contribute, not only when the man is out of a job.
How do you balance your career commitment with family time?
I am a senior lecturer at Lead City University and my husband is also in academics. We try to create time for each other. There are challenging periods but we are able to manage them. We plan everything together.
What advice would you give young adults who intend to get married?
Marry your friend and make sure you are mature enough. Marriage will throw a lot of tantrums at you. Sometimes, you will look at your partner and ask yourself why you married that person. Also, you should always be ready to forgive even before you are offended by your partner. You should prepare your mind that as you forgive a wrong, another one will come. You are not a saint yourself and that person can be at the receiving end too sometimes. When you sincerely love the person, you will do anything to make it work.
