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Welcome to KB’s Old School (and New School) Reviews. I’ve been reviewing wrestling shows for over twelve years now and have reviewed over 6,000 shows. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I’ll be posting a new review here on Wrestlingrumors.net. It could be anything from modern WWE to old school to indies to anything in between. Note that I rate using letters instead of stars and I don’t rate matches under three minutes as really, how good or bad can something that short be?
Smackdown
Date: April 14, 2005
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re in the process of finding a new #1 contender, which is likely to be JBL. Thankfully we get some big matches on the way there, including one tonight with Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero. That is one of those matches that can’t be screwed up so we should be in for a good evening. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the #1 contender series, with Eddie Guerrero costing Rey Mysterio his match against JBL.
Opening sequence.
Orlando Jordan vs. Booker T.
Non-title with JBL on commentary. Speaking of JBL, he offers an early distraction so Jordan can get in a cheap shot to take over. Jordan stops to pose like the schnook that he is and Booker kicks him in the face, only to have the Bashams run in for the DQ.
Post match the beatdown is on but Big Show runs (faster than I’ve seen him move in years) in for the save. Theodore Long, handicap match.
Orlando Jordan/Basham Brothers vs. Big Show/Booker T.
Show pulls Danny over the ropes to start but Doug breaks up a chokeslam attempt to Jordan. Booker beats up the Bashams and Show spears Danny on the floor. The Spinarooni sets up the ax kick and Doug is done in a hurry.
Post match we’re told Big Show faces Booker next week in the #1 contender series, which makes sense given Show’s current nice guy status. As a bonus, JBL yells at the rest of the Cabinet.
Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson
Fallout from last week’s bikini contest. Dawn kicks her in the ribs to start and sends her face first into the mat. They go to a pinfall reversal sequence of all things until Dawn hits an X Factor for two. Torrie gets two off a rollup before finishing with the swinging neckbreaker.
Video on the Australia tour.
It’s time for the debut of Carlito’s Cabana, complete with a hammock and coconut drinks. And a basket of apples for the health conscious guest, though if you disrespect him, he will spit on you. Carlito mocks the Cubs as lovable losers, just like his first guest: Rey Mysterio. We look back at Eddie Guerrero costing Rey his match against JBL last week, ending his chances at becoming #1 contender.
Rey admits that he’s mad at Eddie and hasn’t talked to him in a week but they’re family. He’ll be WWE Champion one day though, which Carlito doesn’t buy. It’s clear that Eddie is jealous of him and things are about to get a lot worse. Cue the debuting MNM, with Carlito’s eyes bugging out over Melina’s entrance (fair enough). Carlito dubs them cool and Melina handles the introductions.
They could be Tag Team Champions since Latino Heat and Mucha Lucha aren’t getting along. That’s a challenge so Rey makes fun of Melina’s breath. The beatdown is on and it’s an elevated DDT to plant Rey as the EDDIE chants don’t get him any help. Carlito sits in his lounge chair and seems impressed with the whole thing. This was a heck of a debut as you instantly get the idea of the team with the paparazzi style entrance and their overall appeal. They were outstanding down in OVW and the whole idea works even better on the main roster. Very good stuff here.
Post match JBL yells at the Cabinet some more, blaming them for costing him the World Title. A deliveryman brings in a box, which is addressed to John Cena. JBL pays him off and gets the box instead.
Rey is on the trainer’s table when an irate Eddie comes in to say he’ll deal with MNM. Rey says just leave him alone because he wasn’t there when Rey needed him. Eddie claims car trouble but Rey isn’t convinced and yells about last week. Things calm down a bit with Eddie dedicating his match against Kurt Angle tonight to Rey.
Here’s John Cena, sans title belt, for a WWE Championship presentation. Cena talks about how Chicago does it big, because they’re hosting Wrestlemania XXII next year. That brings him to the title, which everyone is chasing. Cena has made a new title belt but since JBL stole it, he can bring it out here right now. Either that or Cena can come get it.
Cue JBL, who orders some goons to bring out a trashcan and a box. JBL takes off his jacket to reveal the current title, which still has Cena’s name on it. Cena: “Looks like you made a habit out of stealing my stuff.” JBL goes on a rant about Cena ruining tradition and promises to destroy what Cena has planned for tonight. Cena says hang on as JBL opens the box and reaches in to find….guts from a slaughterhouse.
JBL is disgusted so Cena goes up and pours the whole box onto his white shirt. As I try to get my head around how lucky it is that JBL just happened to be there to intercept the box from the delivery man, Cena gets back in the ring and has the new title lowered. And yes, it’s the spinner title as we enter the dark ages.
Heidenreich vs. ???
Tazz gets his history wrong by saying that we’ve never had a poet in WWE before, meaning Michael Cole has to serve as historian. What does it say when Cole is outsmarting you? The unnamed guy hammers away in the corner but gets kicked in the face as Heidenreich talks about wanting to be friends. A corner clothesline sets up more shouting and it’s a sitout Boss Man Slam to give Heidenreich the pin.
Post match, with the jobber in the corner, Heidenreich reads a poem about….breaking wind because we’re in the Windy City. It is exactly what you would expect. That’s a Vince promo if I’ve ever heard one.
Booker and Sharmell are fired up for next week but Booker has to stop for a photo shoot. Kurt Angle comes up to say it doesn’t matter who wins next week because Angle is on a roll. Sharmell calms things down so Angle accuses Booker of needing a woman to fight his battles. Sharmell: “Oh no you didn’t.” She brings up Eddie beating Angle last year at Wrestlemania and does Booker’s catchphrase. Sharmell can actually talk outside of hailing King Booker.
Here’s Paul London with a bandage around his head after last week’s bloody match. We see part of last week’s beatdown at the hands of Billy Kidman and Chavo Guerrero before London talks about needing eighteen staples in his head. He can’t wrestle tonight so he’s here for a fight, meaning it’s time to call out Chavo.
Cue Chavo, who claims that London stole the Cruiserweight Title in the first place. London has never beaten him because he is the greatest of all time. Chavo is coming for the title as soon as London is cleared. An honorable man like Chavo would never fight an injured man, so here’s Kidman from behind to jump London. The champ fights him off and hits a DDT to set up the 450.
Raw Rebound.
We recap the #1 contender series. All one match of it.
WWE Championship Series: Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero
Feeling out process to start with Eddie taking him down by the arm. Angle reverses into a wristlock, with Eddie reversing into one of his own. That’s not working for Angle, who stacks Eddie up for two and a standoff. Eddie gets smart by picking up the pace and dropkicks Angle to the floor as they are taking their time here. Back in and a headlock takeover works a bit better for Angle but Eddie reverses into another armbar.
Eddie switches things up with Three very fast Amigos but has to roll through the frog splash as we take a break. Back with Angle uppercutting away and hitting the first belly to belly to work on the ribs. The Angle Slam is countered into a hurricanrana as they’re getting into their standard story here of Angle being laser focused with his natural skills and Eddie being creative and adapting as the match goes on. It’s very Bret vs. Shawn and they’re talented enough to make it work.
The ref gets bumped so Eddie goes outside and puts a chair near the announcers’ table before dropping down on the mat. It’s not quite enough for the DQ so Angle snaps off a German suplex. A backbreaker gives Angle some near falls and we hit the bodyscissors. Eddie gets creative by elbowing the leg for the break, earning himself another hard German suplex. With nothing else working, Angle tries a super Angle Slam, which gets elbowed away. The frog splash hits knees though and we take another break.
Back with Angle grabbing the waistlock again before the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT for the double knockdown. Angle is up first and the Slam gets two to put them both down again. It’s time to roll some German suplexes for two more but Eddie hits Three more Amigos. The frog splash gets two and a small package is good for the same as Angle has to pull his singlet back up. He’s made enough to pick the ankle but Eddie rolls it away for the ref bump.
Angle grabs the chair from earlier, which draws out Rey to take it away. Eddie sees Rey holding the chair and thinks he’s going to hit him, allowing Angle to ram Rey into Eddie, knocking him silly with the chair. The referee comes back in so Angle can pin Eddie and advance.
Rating: B+. Were you expecting anything less from Angle vs. Eddie for 25 minutes? Actually you might have been as these two can put on some masterpieces. This one was just very good with some storyline advancement tied into the rather awesome match. The storytelling was there and the wedge between Eddie and Rey is furthered. That’s one of the better TV matches you’ll see in a long time and it flew by, which is always a bonus.
Eddie yells at Rey to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. It takes a lot to knock a show with this kind of a main event down this far but the rest of the night was terrible. You had a bunch of nothing matches, Heidenreich’s juvenile promo and the debut of the spinner belt. What else was positive on here other than the main event and MNM’s debut? Sharmell yelling at Angle maybe? Excellent main event but egads the rest of the show is awful.
Thomas Hall has been a wrestling fan for over thirty years and has seen over 60,000 wrestling matches. He has also been a wrestling reviewer since 2009 with over 6,000 full shows covered. You can find his work at kbwrestlingreviews.com, or check out his- Amazon author page with 30 wrestling books.
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