Have they jilted you?

If a lost love is what you are currently grappling with, I will tell you this.

The best way to handle a love that you have lost to someone else is to give the “lovebirds” all the time and space they need to do their thing.

It’s painful, I know, but if you keep standing in their way (with begging, confrontations/fighting, or competing), your mental health will be touching the dust at an alarming rate.

Don’t go and start singing “after all I have done for you” when anybody jilts you. Trust me, they know all that. And they also know what they are doing.

Another thing that will further mess up your mental health is trying to compete to either prove a point to them or get them back. Some people will claim that they are just trying to show a lost lover what they are missing. Please take your self-respect back by engaging your energy differently.

Two habits are especially important when you are grappling with a heartbreak:

Cry to God more than you cry to anybody or over anybody.

Learn to lick your wounds silently.

We are human, and we won’t stop touching the dust on matters of the heart. But it’s an act of courage not to call a pity party when you should be alone with your thoughts.

Get out of their way and get busy rebuilding your own life. No matter how hurtful it feels, find the strength to look the other way.

The worst mistake you can make is to try causing problems for someone who has jilted you or snatched a lover/spouse from you. These are human beings that life is set to teach the lesson of their lives. And you want to stand in the way?

There are misdemeanours that, once embarked upon by anyone, require you to pull yourself together and let the situation run its full course. Because when life is set to give someone an experience, there’s nothing you can do about it—unless you want to become a casualty too.

There was a story that I followed when it broke out.

It’s about a Ukrainian refugee who was taken in by a British couple, and she ended up in a relationship with the man. He moved out with her, leaving his partner of ten years and the mother of his children heartbroken. It was reported that the affair blossomed within 10 days of the 22-year-old refugee moving into their home.

Barely five months down the line, the news on that relationship was that the refugee had been jilted by the man and accused of having “coercive and controlling behaviour.”

Listen!

Regardless of the dynamics, the future of such relationships is most predictable.

Life has principles that, once you break them, the repercussions are the same everywhere. When you encourage or benefit from a setting of unfairness, a similar experience will befall you.

The way they leave a partner is your fate in their hands foretold!

With certain entanglements, simply work your way out of the setting and forget about building a future from it.

It’s always wiser to leave people’s relationships alone. Snatching someone’s lover or spouse just because you can will not lead to a happily-ever-after.

The weakest relationship is the one you have on the basis of “snatching.” It hardly stands the test of time, probably because what drives it (adventure, boredom, midlife crisis, envy, greed, emotional instability, etc.) is quicksand.

Wholesome relationships are not snatched. They are cultivated and nurtured with intentionality, with fairness as the very foundation they stand.

Another unfortunate thing about a love that is snatched is that it leaves you perpetually looking over your shoulder for all manner of (often imagined) threats. And that explains why “snatchers” are often control freaks and manipulators.

It just doesn’t offer peace of mind.

Believe me when I say that it never ends in bliss for people who go about their love story unfairly.

I have observed a lot of such love stories and their eventual fate in the hands of time. And what I can confidently say is that happily-ever-after is not what happens to them.

Life runs on principles. Life is big on fairness. And manipulative approaches don’t fly with life.

Unfair means to an end also don’t cut it with life. And heartlessness, in particular, is what life enjoys paying back!

So, we must learn to allow life to fight certain battles for us.

Always remember that life knows best!

When you reflect on these things, you should also not be quick to seek your happiness from the sadness or tears of others. Because you do not necessarily end up happier or better off. In fact, when the chips are down, you may be worse off.